What I don’t say often

Being a mom comes with a whirlwind of emotions, challenges, and a new definition of who are and who you’ve become. You are no longer thinking about your self and your husband, you are constantly thinking about your child. From

the moment your baby is cradled in your arms, your life instantly changes. You naturally adjust the time you once had all to yourself or with your husband, you are now spent caring for and loving the child you both have created. As we go through the motions of waking up several times a night, and operating on far too little of sleep, and finding yourself eating cold dinners, and skipping lunch or eating stale granola bars you find at the bottom of your purse, you still manage to love your child unconditionally and that love you have for your child is so profound. You adapt, and make the best of these moments. You turn these moments into memories. These memories that we will look back one day and congratulate ourselves for making it past what we thought were the best, the worst, and the hardest times of our life.

As we continue to grow and love as a family, our marriage changes. All the attention we found ourselves giving to one another shifts and makes room for our children or in my case our baby girl. We put ourself in the backseat while our daughter rides shotgun. Our attention shifts to her and her needs, and it’s no longer all about us. Our date nights, happy hour and our weekends spent binge watching Netflix have been replaced with copious amounts of laundry, nailing down naps during the day, bedtime routines and mom and tot groups. The place where the topic of our conversations is about our daughters bodily fluids, or the new skill she has learned.

So even though our marriage has changed, ultimately it has changed for the better in many ways. And we are ok with that. We’re good with where we are. We want to be **here**. But being **here** takes a different kind of “being married” than being **there** — without a child. There are so many moments where I get so tired and so distracted, we have limited face time. I don’t always remember to say the things I want, to make sure my husband knows how I feel. I am so preoccupied with being a mother that I forget to be his wife.

There are so many things I think the father of my child needs to hear and deserves to hear.

I am beyond thankful for the partnership we have together in this life that we share together. I love having you alongside me as we raise our daughter together. I am very certain I don’t always say the words “I appreciate you!”because we have such a small window of real conversation time each day.

My husband is not a mind reader. Although I wish he could, he definitely can’t. Nor does he pickup on my passive aggressive hints I put down. I do know he wants to be a fixer. When there is an issue, he wants to fix it. I have to remind myself that I have to communicate in words when I need help, or a break. When I do that, it becomes easier for him to reciprocate the gesture back, so it becomes a win/win.

Not only do I love you but our daughter also loves you and needs you. The role you play in her life is so great and she will thank you her whole life. She is too young to say it now ,and depending on her mood will she show it, but once she calls you “dadda” which then turns to “daddy” you wait. Your heart will fill up.

There is no doubt that my husband sees a lot of the worst parts of me. I can be the most cranky, the most tired, and that’s what happens when your best friend, you’re life partner is with you and around the most. I often forget to say the simple things like “thank you!” Thank you for picking up my socks, making the bed, getting up to get me a drink, even though I could have done it, to name a few. Thank you for being the best dad to our baby girl. Thank you for being my best friend, my partner in crime, my husband. It’s so easy to treat the people you love, the worst.

Lastly, I think you’re totally “hot!” I definitely don’t tell my husband enough how much I am attracted to him. That he’s stunning in so many ways. I have to remember that I was his wife first, and then we became parents. Without being his wife first, I wouldn’t have been a mom. The mother of our beautiful baby girl. I feel like he needs to know that he still knocks my socks off.

However you choose to tell your husband you love him, remember to to acknowledge him both as his wife and as the mother of his child. It’s very hard to forget through the tiredness but it will make him feel good.

To my dearest husband, my best friend, I’m completely crazy about you, I love you, and I think you’re hot!

Modesty: See more, Be more

Photo by tiverylucky- Image ID: 100319198

Photo by tiverylucky- Image ID: 100319198

For decades our culture has stopped valuing modesty, instead valuing women for all the wrong reasons. Yet, as parents, we try to teach our children to dress and act appropriately despite what we see and hear around us. How difficult is it to teach our children, teenagers and young adults the value of self-worth and respect, when our culture isn’t teaching it?

I don’t have children yet, but I do fear, when the time comes, what this will be like for them.

We live in a “sex-crazed” society; sexual messages are everywhere, and are reviewed by children. What was once known as unacceptable or risqué is now accepted and we see it everyday. There is no wonder, some boys and men experience difficulty fighting  their temptations, or sudden urges to look, speak and act, when sex is around us, all the time. It is very important to understand, men have a responsibility to control, but .. women have responsibility, too. Women have to start taking responsibility for their wardrobes or lack there of. What you choose to wear, and how you wear it, reflects who you are, more so, it will impact the type of men you attract. This can impact their behaviours and attitudes they have towards YOU, and sex. You have to think about the kind of man you want in your life.  If you choose to dress seductively, you are sending a message implying you are “impure,” and attracting a man who is fine with that. If you choose to dress more modest, you will attract a man who is attracted to who you are as a person.

To be modest, doesn’t have to mean, you cover yourself from head to toe. Although, in some religious beliefs, perhaps this does. Modesty can mean different things, to different people. Someone who is modest, doesn’t solicit them self by how they dress. In order to teach this to young girls, you have to decide what you consider to be modest. This has become more difficult because society’s standards have changed. When I was in school, exposing bra straps were considered embarrassing. Shopping for bras, when I was a young girl, were plain, and considered “no big deal,” as far as style and colour choices are concerned. Today, stores have “sexified” undergarments and have also added thongs and Brazilian cut panties for young girls. Girls, today, purposely show their bra straps, and  thongs, not to mention wearing pantyhose as pants.

So how do we decide what is modest, and what isn’t? How do we change what has already happened? This is a decision up to you, as parents, to set this standard. This is a decision you have to make with your spouse. You can not make a decision and have it be effective, if you include your daughter. Discuss what clothing you find acceptable and NOT acceptable in public. Talk about specific ages to wear heels, and make up. Parents, familiarize yourself with the latest trends, fad’s and slang.  Hidden sexual messages are all over clothes and accessories today, and slang is used everyday. Unfortunately, most of these things slip under the parental radar, not because you don’t care,  because the “meanings” have changed. Communicate with your daughter, your daughter’s friends, and do your research. Simple fact, if you don’t know, chances are, your daughter does, Ask! Most importantly, stay connected with your daughter, this includes telling your daughter how beautiful and proud you are of her. Help them understand why this is important, and teach them along the way, so they can make good decisions on their own.

Women already have a hard time being valued, respected and treated, don’t add more fuel to the fire, by wearing something that gives others the opportunity to devalue who you are. We live in the twenty-first century, its time to stop blaming media for everything, men for “gawking,” and embrace modesty.