What I don’t say often

Being a mom comes with a whirlwind of emotions, challenges, and a new definition of who are and who you’ve become. You are no longer thinking about your self and your husband, you are constantly thinking about your child. From

the moment your baby is cradled in your arms, your life instantly changes. You naturally adjust the time you once had all to yourself or with your husband, you are now spent caring for and loving the child you both have created. As we go through the motions of waking up several times a night, and operating on far too little of sleep, and finding yourself eating cold dinners, and skipping lunch or eating stale granola bars you find at the bottom of your purse, you still manage to love your child unconditionally and that love you have for your child is so profound. You adapt, and make the best of these moments. You turn these moments into memories. These memories that we will look back one day and congratulate ourselves for making it past what we thought were the best, the worst, and the hardest times of our life.

As we continue to grow and love as a family, our marriage changes. All the attention we found ourselves giving to one another shifts and makes room for our children or in my case our baby girl. We put ourself in the backseat while our daughter rides shotgun. Our attention shifts to her and her needs, and it’s no longer all about us. Our date nights, happy hour and our weekends spent binge watching Netflix have been replaced with copious amounts of laundry, nailing down naps during the day, bedtime routines and mom and tot groups. The place where the topic of our conversations is about our daughters bodily fluids, or the new skill she has learned.

So even though our marriage has changed, ultimately it has changed for the better in many ways. And we are ok with that. We’re good with where we are. We want to be **here**. But being **here** takes a different kind of “being married” than being **there** — without a child. There are so many moments where I get so tired and so distracted, we have limited face time. I don’t always remember to say the things I want, to make sure my husband knows how I feel. I am so preoccupied with being a mother that I forget to be his wife.

There are so many things I think the father of my child needs to hear and deserves to hear.

I am beyond thankful for the partnership we have together in this life that we share together. I love having you alongside me as we raise our daughter together. I am very certain I don’t always say the words “I appreciate you!”because we have such a small window of real conversation time each day.

My husband is not a mind reader. Although I wish he could, he definitely can’t. Nor does he pickup on my passive aggressive hints I put down. I do know he wants to be a fixer. When there is an issue, he wants to fix it. I have to remind myself that I have to communicate in words when I need help, or a break. When I do that, it becomes easier for him to reciprocate the gesture back, so it becomes a win/win.

Not only do I love you but our daughter also loves you and needs you. The role you play in her life is so great and she will thank you her whole life. She is too young to say it now ,and depending on her mood will she show it, but once she calls you “dadda” which then turns to “daddy” you wait. Your heart will fill up.

There is no doubt that my husband sees a lot of the worst parts of me. I can be the most cranky, the most tired, and that’s what happens when your best friend, you’re life partner is with you and around the most. I often forget to say the simple things like “thank you!” Thank you for picking up my socks, making the bed, getting up to get me a drink, even though I could have done it, to name a few. Thank you for being the best dad to our baby girl. Thank you for being my best friend, my partner in crime, my husband. It’s so easy to treat the people you love, the worst.

Lastly, I think you’re totally “hot!” I definitely don’t tell my husband enough how much I am attracted to him. That he’s stunning in so many ways. I have to remember that I was his wife first, and then we became parents. Without being his wife first, I wouldn’t have been a mom. The mother of our beautiful baby girl. I feel like he needs to know that he still knocks my socks off.

However you choose to tell your husband you love him, remember to to acknowledge him both as his wife and as the mother of his child. It’s very hard to forget through the tiredness but it will make him feel good.

To my dearest husband, my best friend, I’m completely crazy about you, I love you, and I think you’re hot!

The Plan

From the moment you find out you are pregnant, you start to think about all things that come with being pregnant, and after your baby arrives. You spend hours researching from all the foods you can and can not eat, to nursery decor and baby proofing the house. One of the most important things that you start to think about is your birth plan.

I remember being asked so many times “ what’s your birth plan?” Or “ you have a birth plan, right” of course I would always say “yes,” even when I knew I never thought about it. I knew automatically what I didn’t want, but a birth plan? Why would I need a plan for my birth? I thought I would show up at the hospital, and the plan would be that the baby would come out. That’s the plan, right?

After my husband and I attended our six-week prenatal class, there were discussions about birth plans, what it all meant, and what it included. This became so much more clearer. We planned so much, from the nitty-gritty details of our ideal delivery and arrival of our baby, what items we wanted to have in our room,  who was going to cut the umbilical cord and an in-depth music play list that I would have playing in my hospital room. Yes, this was important!

Letu2019s hold hands while we eat, Mom!.jpg

 

When the time came, Thursday January 25 at 6:14 AM, our baby girl arrived. Did we follow our “birth plan?” No! In fact, it was far from our plan, and that was OK!  My delivery ended up with a scheduled induction, an epidural,  and 2.5 hours of pushing, with no sign of baby’s arrival. This led to a last-minute c-section for delivery.  I decided  that pumping versus nursing was the best way for me to feed our baby, along with having to supplement with formula. All of these things, were far from what I had planned and originally wanted to have, but this needed to be done for the safety, and happiness for my baby girl, and myself. The one thing that stayed true to our plan, and what was the most important to us,  our baby would arrive safely, and healthy.  We knew everything else would fall into place, and it did.

After the delivery, I learned very quickly that a plan is just a plan. When it came time for me to make a plan, and discuss what I wanted and didn’t want, I never thought that our birth plan would change. So, for all the mom’s to be,  expect changes, especially  “think on the spot” last minute changes. Don’t beat yourself up over your plan not working out or think for a second you have let yourself down, or your baby down, because a plan, is just a plan, and only that.