When I look back three years ago, it never occurred to me that my friendships with my girlfriends would change. Some of my friendships have gotten much closer, while others have become more distant. Dwelling on what has happened, I think about the times I would pick up the phone and have long talks with my girlfriends about our love lives, our favorite gossip stories, or planning a movie night. Planning a girls night seemed effortless, in fact there was no planning required…it just happened.
Marriage is learning to live with a guy, and at times can come with full of surprises when you least expect it. Mind you, I will never trade the blessing of marriage, and being married to my husband for the world, but marriage brings with it a lot of “stuff”. You are no longer grocery shopping, doing laundry or cooking for one person. You are no longer thinking about yourself, you are thinking of all the considerations for you and your husband while making decisions. At times, this can be overwhelming.
I look back at the friendships I had before I was married, single and sometimes dating, the common denominator was more time. I had less priorities, and more time to visit friends, whom I would call my best friends. Now that I’m older, and now that I’m married, my circle of friends have become smaller, and my best friend became my husband. This is not because I don’t value my friendships the same way I did before, but because my husband became my number one priority. As I reflect on my past memories, I feel guilty for not being there for my friends, and that I’ve created the feeling of “I don’t care,” But trust me, I do care! As much as some of my friends might think that I have moved on with my life, or they no longer matter to me, I feel the same way about them.
I have come to realize that just like marriage, friendships take a heck of a lot of patience and effort. My phone calls might consist of more of texts as I try to balance my work life with my personal life, and my visits might have to be marked on my calendar, but this doesn’t mean I don’t care, it means that I am trying, and you are worth my effort!